I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
