Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How does one acquire holy water?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
