We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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