I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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