Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
send nudes
from the living room?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
