so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize