Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
