how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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