porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
