This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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