I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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