Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
