Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize