You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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