Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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