so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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