3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
