I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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