remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize