You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
