South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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