I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
