so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
