When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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