There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think I just sharted jello shots
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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