HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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