I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
