All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
