areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
