Your tits are I can't wait for
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
