I think my fart just growled at me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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