i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
