you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
