I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize