I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
