I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
