what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
