Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i will never coherently bang her
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
