So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
