They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
