Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
