just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
