ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to calm my uterus...
I need a beard to bite.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
