I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
