But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
not ubering you a puppy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
