grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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