Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
