and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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