Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need to align my fucking chakras
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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