Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
