I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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