Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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