It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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