if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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