dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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