giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So apparently I’m into choking now
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