My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The air was thick with penises
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
