I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Where is the hickey?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
