I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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