p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
