White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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