Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
